The Unpublished: The Other Side

Title: The Other Side
Author: Daediel
Contains: Curse words (8/30p.) ☆
Cover Thoughts: Love it!
My Rating:  ★★★★★★☆  (6/7)
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Blurb: "I live in a world where caring is a gift only to be bought by the rich."
          Some people are born with their eyes open. Some people aren’t. And there are those who become something else.
          I never knew which one of those was me. No one cared enough to tell me. But I know what matters. I know I have to keep on watching what this city doesn’t. Picking up what everyone else scatters, leaves behind in the hurry of greed.
          I need to listen. 
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Characters: This is probably one of the best character jobs I've seen in a long time. The main character, Tom, was extremely consistent, well rounded individual. I loved the way he thought, even though I did find him to a bit of a melancholy character (which is totally fine, we need fewer hotshots and more normal characters in the literary world :P) ★

Imagery/Mood: Seems to me getting a good, desired mood to come across is a rather difficult thing to do -- few writers, especially unpublished ones, seem to be able to pull it off. Daediel's sure got it pinned down though! The imagery in The Other Side was fantastic, as well. Probably my favor line was “They’re a soundtrack without life.” Best of all, Daediel didn't overdue the imagery -- there was just the right balance. ★

Plot: The Other Side currently (at the time of this review) has only four chapters up, a total of 30 pages. I've heard it said numerous times that the first 50 pages of a book are extremely important for catching the reader's attention; if you don't, there is a strong possibility of the reader putting the book aside and never picking it up again. While these first 30 pages in The Other Side weren't filled with fast-paced action, I found my interest kept through everything that was going on. The thoughts and feelings of a MC living in a boring, uncaring world was enough to make me want to continue reading. I'm interested in seeing where this story goes. ★

Dialogue: I thought the dialogue throughout the entire story had a natural, believable flow to it. ★

Other: Not much to be said here in the 'other' category. General mechanics were good, SPaG was good. Let's talk title. I really love the title The Other Side. I feel like there's a lot of meaning in it, a lot of back story playing into it. I can't wait to find out exactly how it ties into the plot. ★

My Impression: I want to know when there's more. :) Fantastic piece of writing! The only thing that bothered me was the occasional foul language, which, as some of you probably know by now, is one of my biggest pet peeves, second only to sexually inappropriate content (The Other Side was totally clean in that way--hooray!). Still, in that way it fell within the bounds of what I consider eligible for a pick, which I'll most certainly be considering. ★

Writing Update

          Most of you who follow this blog know me from inkpop. Those of you who don't...well you should look me up :P. Anyway. Those of you who have known me on inkpop for a long time (or have 'liked' my fan page...because I post obsessively about my book on there...) know the project I've been working on for like, the past year and a half-ish, is The Lighthouse. Some of you may have even noticed that it's no longer on 'public' on inkpop. Sorry, dedicated readers.

          I took it off public because honestly, it stinks. Yes, I know I've had some really great comments on it from you awesome inkies, but lets be legit here. It is no where near being ready for anything. And at this point, not even reading.

          Yes, I know I'm a perfectionist at heart. But seriously. When I rewrite, the first half of the book needs to be rewritten into 1st person point of view, and the point of view narrowed to only two characters. No worries, no characters are getting ditched (at least, not at the moment....), but it seriously needs to be refined. But anywayy. That's not why I'm writing this post. On to the real reason!

          I just thought I should let you all know that my book has only 8 more chapters left until it's done!! *freaky girly squeal that you did not just hear* Also, it's a mere 7,000 words from being complete as far as word count! :D I'm so excited. And it has a deadline.

Deadline: December 24, 2011

          Yay! And then I am taking a mini break :P. I might work on some other projects that have been on the back burner, but I'm not touching The Lighthouse until after the Christmas season is done. Actually, I might not until the beginning of February. But that all depends. Ya see, I might be taking a two week college class in the middle of January, so if I'm gone and cramming for classes and what-not I'm not going to have time to be working on anything but school. Then again, if I don't get accepted into the classes, I'll be free in January and will start editing and rewriting then. So, we'll see.

          Speaking of The Lighthouse, though, I'm contemplating changing its name to Refuge. Any feedback on it? I'd love to hear!

The Unpublished: Black Diamond

Title: Black Diamond
Author: Frenchie24
Contains: Curse words on 11/67 pages. ☆
Cover Thoughts: Not bad at all.
My Rating: ★★★★★☆☆  (5/7)
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Blurb: It was raining when I met Drew...sounds like a cliché for a love story, doesn't it? He was annoying and arrogant but I helped him. It was the least I could do. In exchange, he helped me. He taught me about my past, about my history. About the secret life my parents had held as spies, before they went missing.
          Now we're hunting for a few pages of a journal, written by my great times two billion grandmother. It’s hidden in the Arctic Circle somewhere, and I’m going to get it with four people. My genius of a little brother, Ducky, Drew, his girlfriend, Maggie, whose twin, Starr, is out to kill everyone, and Jace, my new boyfriend. Yet I’m the only one I can trust. Nobody said the life of a spy was easy...
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Characters: The main character, Ridley, was a believable, well written character, especially considering she played the part of the average, ordinary teenaged girl. Her brother, "Ducky", I found to be rather quirky and amusing in his part of the brilliantly-minded younger sibling. And then there's Drew. Despite his rather arrogant  self and need for a slight attitude adjustment, I actually really like him. He just had this humorous, likable personality while still being an annoyance to Ridley. Each of these three main characters I found to be very well-developed. Excellent! ★

Imagery/Mood: There didn't seem to be as much imagery or description as there could have been. I think it would make this story even stronger. ☆

Plot: Although the five chapters that I read didn't move far into the action I can tell is coming in this book, it moved along well and, as far as I could tell, everything helped build up the plot, with no unnecessary scenes. I can't wait to see where this story goes! ★

Dialogue: Realistic, natural, believable. 'Nuff said. ★

Other: I was really impressed with general mechanics of Black Diamond. For having read 67 pages, I only spotted three minor SPaG/plot flaws that needed to be pointed out -- very minor at that. I can tell Frenchie has worked a lot on this piece to fine tune it to the best it can be. ★

My Impression: I greatly enjoyed reading Black Diamond, and I'll be watch-listing for the time being until I can read more of it, and will definitely consider for a pick. ★

The Unpublished: Butterfly Promises

          'Fixing' would mean setting that smile back on his face, and bringing the laughter back to his lips. It would mean enabling him to breathe without the help of a machine. It would mean taking away the constant pains that attacked his body, causing his eyes to tighten with pain. 'Fixing' would mean putting the life back in him, when it was so clearly slipping away. Fixing things would mean bringing back our butterfly catching days.
          ‘Fixing’ was clearly something that would never happen. [Taken from the long pitch]


          Butterfly Promises is a short story written by ChriWrites, in which the main character, Tess, is at the bedside of her dying friend, Toph. The cover: beautiful. And I loved the font.


          I liked how, throughout the story, we get brief glimpses of Tess and Toph's childhood together. While in some stories flashbacks and weight the story down and drag it out, each flashback in Butterfly Promises builds up and supports the story as a whole.


          ChriWrites did a fantastic job in the imagery department -- absolutely awesome! Vivid, precise  descriptions that easily painted the scene in the reader's head in a wonderful way. Plus, I liked the repetition of the phrase "...they swooped across the pink, orange, and cream colored skies, and a faint fluttering noise filled the air as a million butterflies darted home for the night." Mood was another thing that stuck out to me while I was reading Butterfly Promises. I'm not sure I know how to explain it, but it seemed to me that the reader felt all the right emotions in the right places.

          The plot was great. I mean, besides the fact that one of the characters was dying...:P Besides that, everything flowed nicely. I concisely learned everything I needed to know to understand what was going on, as well as understand how Tess felt.

          Butterfly Promises is a fantastic short story, and I can't wait to see what HarperCollins has to say about it when it reaches the top five (ranked #15 at the time of this review).

CASC Warning (otherwise known as the “Momma Bear Warning”):

1/5 pages contained curse words. Inappropriate/Sexual content: Clean as a whistle.

Rating: (4/5)

★★★★☆

THE AUTHOR
READ IT

The Unpublished: Superhero

          We all grew up hearing stories at bedtime. For the boys—superhuman men flying around in jumpsuits and saving the world from dastardly villains. For the girls—princesses locked away in towers awaiting their prince charming and his mighty steed. I was a girl, so I should have liked the princess stories, but I was a bit different.

         Superman, Spiderman, Batman—they all fascinated me to no end. I would run around my house with a bed-sheet tied around my neck, zapping away the evil dust bunnies with my laser vision. I didn't want to sit around all day waiting to be saved. I wanted to be the one doing the saving.

          And now I understood that those stories were complete bull. I was a wretch living in one of the slave cities of the nation, and I was the damsel in distress. I was the one waiting to be saved. But superheroes didn't exist, and no one was going to swoop down from the sky and save the day.

          At least, I used to think that. Until I saw the mask. [Taken from the long pitch]

          I read chapters 1-5 of SuperHero. First off, I'd like to say I loved the cover. Awesome picture, perfect colors--it just worked. Alright, moving on. :P

          I loved the characters. Elena has such a unique character voice, and her story is definitely interesting and entreating. Sera, the best friend, I didn't particularly care for. She seems to come off as an extremely weak character, although once in a random while she did something really brave or outspoken or totally out of what her character seems to be like...kinda random like... Then we have "the masked man". *sigh* I love him already. I mean com'on, who doesn't love the darkly dressed masked dude who apparently can leap up huge skyscrapers in seconds and disappears without a trace?

          The first (0 as it's labeled, I take that to mean it's technically more of a prologue?) chapter was...well, I can't even think of a word to describe it. You'll just have to read it for yourself. Though it was a scene that usually I'd have a hard time stomaching -- a detailed massacre -- it was written amazingly well, without any gory grossness that would destroy my desire for dinner, while still maintaining all essential details, vivid imagery, mood & tone, and all else necessary for an incredible first chapter. My hat goes off to the author.

          I really liked the powerful yet simple imagery used throughout the story (or at least the five chapters I read...:P). It didn't go above and beyond the call of duty, but was perfectly descriptive in every sense of the word. Another thing I was really impressed with--despite the number of pages I read, I had ended up with a ridiculously short comment to leave on the project itself. Why? Because there are only a small handful, no, a fingerfull, of random typos throughout it. Excellent job! K, enough of my rambling. :P

          K, the only thing I really didn't like was about this awesome story was 1) a random scene [in chapter 2, I believe it was..?] that I considered to be inappropriate and unnecessary, and 2) the cursing used throughout. Not heavy, but I'm all for complete cleanness in both these areas.
          Besides the two points listed above, I thought this was a great story, and I'm sure it'll go far once it hits the published world.

CASC Warning (otherwise known as the “Momma Bear Warning”):
14/59 pages contained curse words. 2/59 pages contained sexually inappropriate content.

Rating: (4/5)
★★★★☆

THE AUTHOR
READ IT

The Unpublished: X, Y, and Everything Else Super

          X, Y, and Everything Else Super is short story written by LexiHall. The story line follows a couple, Kayla and Dan, as they are sucked into another world via a portal. The two encounter villains from this new world, and are almost immediately forced to defend their lives. In doing so, they discover new talent they never knew they had...or perhaps they didn't have to begin with.

          I wasn't incredibly impressed with the cover, which almost always gets my attention first, even before pitches. I didn't really see how the picture pertained to the story. The colors seemed to clash as well -- don't get me wrong, black and white are fine, but it just wasn't working for this particular cover. Had I been in a bookstore, I almost certainly wouldn't have picked it up.

          Moving into the story. The characters cursed enough to turn me off, as well as cast a negative light on my first impressions of them. Character depth is definitively an area that needs work in this story. Other than what was point black told to the reader, I didn't get a feel for who they really were, what they were like, what they wanted in life. They lacked the realness that pulls the reader in.

          I say brief instances of really great imagery, and strong sentences throughout the story, and I would really like to see a bit more. The author clearly has it in him/her to have solid imagery, it just didn't seem to come out very often in this particular project. A little more work and this point would really strengthen the story.

          Not going to lie, I loved one of the villain's weapon choice -- a fire truck red laser gun. Not sure I'd go for the fire truck red one, but if I had to choose, laser gun would be my pick. I mean really, wouldn't you want to fry people to a crisp in milliseconds? (I'm being completely serious here, by the way.)

          While this project has a few points that could be strengthened, LexiHall did a good job in the overall writing, and I see the potential for it growing into a great piece of writing.

Rating: (3/5)
★★★☆☆

THE AUTHOR
READ IT

The Carrier of the Mark by Leigh Fallon [Review...ish]

          Ever since HarperCollins announced that they were going to publish The Carrier of the Mark, there has been a crazy amount of excitement spreading around because of it. Although I am a member of inkpop.com, the website where the book and its author, Leigh Fallon, were discovered, the general excitement running through the site never really fazed me. I guess that was probably because I had joined long after Fallon, and since I have never really been incredibly active in the community I never had the pleasure of meeting her or reading the book in its early stages. Still, since it was the first book published through inkpop, there was more than enough blog posts, forum threads, and the such to keep me well acquainted with the title. Without that general knowledge, I probably wouldn't have had the privilege of reading it.

         This might bore you to death, so if you skip to the next paragraph, I won't be offended :P. Anyway. I'm not really into the supernatural or super sappy teen oriented books, so if this had been any ordinary book, I most likely would have passed by without a second glance. I was in Barnes&Nobles -- a rare occasion to begin with, since 1) I live in the middle of nowhere where the only real legit store without driving 1+ hours away is Walmart, and 2) I'm generally broke -- looking for another book. Yeah, I was actually looking for a completely different book, completely different author, completely different genre. I walked in and asked the lady at the customer service desk, because I'm a loser and since I don't usually have the occasion to wander around in bookstores, I have no idea where to find what I'm looking for. Yes, I'm lame like that. So the lady looks it up on her computer, and tells me that they don't carry it. My mom and I are heading back toward the door, and then I'm like, give me a sec, I'm going to go look for it anyway. Why I decided I didn't believe the lady, I'm not sure. But we ended up looking around anyway, and as we're passing a bookshelf labeled "top teen lit" (or something close to that) the cover of The Carrier of the Mark caught my attention (which I've seen a few million times on inkpop). One big double take and backwards step, and suddenly the book I keep hearing about is in my hands. I don't think I've ever grabbed a book so fast in my entire life. For some reason or another, I thought it was so cool to actually find the book I kept hearing about. About five minutes later, we walked out of the building with my newly purchased copy of the The Carrier of the Mark. Some things you just can't explain :-).

         ***May contain spoilers***

         It's been a long, long time since I've been blown away by a book without being completely confused (Shakespeare tends to blow me into confusion, but that's different). I find it hard to believe someone could come up with such a complex idea as the Marked without losing the reader in the process, and yet Fallon has done it. Throughout the book, I could tell that there was so much more to the story, so much more back story, but it was well spaces and told only in small chunks to absorb, so that by the time the next chunk of information came, the reader had had plenty of time to absorb and reach an understanding of the last chunk.

         Generally I'm not the biggest fan of romances where the characters fall for each other in a ridiculously short amount of time, as Adam and Megan do, but the farther I read, the less it bothered me. It made more sense when we learned that the elements attracted one another, and hence their quick love didn't seem to be entirely their fault, and made a little bit more sense as to why they got together so quickly.

         The one thing that really bothered me was the swearing used throughout the book. I understand that in this day and age teens swear just as much as in the book if not more, but I still do not believe it to be right. I am also of the firm conviction that you can have excellent teen fiction without needed to insert foul language.

         I loved the setting as well. I thought it was really cool that Fallon uses locations that actually exist. The intertwined history and myths made it so much more real and interesting, as well as the added flavor of the dialogue and expressions. I quickly found myself wanted to read more, until finally there was no more to be read. I look forward to the publication of The Carrier 2 (unnamed), and this time, I'll be on the lookout and headed to a bookstore to get it, not a different book. :-)